The Great Mysteries of the Universe
by Makemegray
Summary: The men of Tokyo Mew Mew wonder and evendare I say it, ponder some odd things about the women in their lives.Written on a whim and not be be taken too seriuously


The Great mysteries of the Universe

Despite the warnings of people times wiser than himself about several important things surrounding life in general, Shirogane Ryou couldn't help but be a little curious about the inner workings of the female mind.

After all, the mew mews were all female and on several occasions he had been slapped for saying things that in his mind held no personal significance, this however did not deter his questioning mind.

They weren't deeply personal questions mind you, just random things that popped into his head throughout any given day.

Case in point, three days ago he'd overheard Ichigo and Mint talking at the café on their break.

Mint mentioned that her aunt was in town and seemed awfully depressed about this fact.

When Ryou commented on what an odd foreign name "Flo" was both girls had blushed quite brightly and had avoided him for the rest of the day.

Oddly enough Keiichiro had a similar reaction when Ryou recounted the incident to him later on.

The next day, Lettuce asked him if he thought the alterations on her Café uniform made her rear end look abnormally large.

Answering honestly had left Ryou with a red, hand-shaped welt on his cheek, a crying girlfriend and four annoyed waitresses yelling at him for his trouble.

For the life of him, though he couldn't figure out what in the world he had done wrong.

He went into the kitchen to put ice on his throbbing face and shook his head in confusion. Eventually chalking it up to be…

One the Great Mysteries of the Universe.

* * *

Keiichiro on the other hand felt rather privileged to be privy to at least some of these secrets of the fairer sex.

For some reason woman always confided in him.

When they couldn't find a good shampoo and he pointed them to isle five of the grocery store they sent him looks that clearly said "You understand my pain, you're just like me! Thank the Gods for people of your orientation!"

When women bemoaned "That time of the month" to him, they seemed comforted by the fact Keiichiro would listen to them and try to comfort them as if he had experienced the same thing. They gave him look that clearly said "You sorta understand my pain; I can give you the number to a good proctologist!"

When woman complained about the men in their lives….

Keiichiro beat a fast retreat.

When questioned about his sudden disappearance during this portion of the conversation he replied gently:

"Hair and Periods I can deal with but I DO NOT want to hear about which of you men has more snake in his trousers."

The last two females to have this conversation with him, Ichigo and Lettuce, glanced at each other in confusion.

"But Kei-kun," Ichigo began innocently "We thought you might like to know this kind of stuff so just in case we get tired of them you'll know which one to go for. Just so you know, there's a rumor that Masaya wets the bed sometimes though so you might want to steer clear after you've done the deed if you know what I mean."

After blinking several times to comprehend what the strawberry-headed catgirl had just said and what the lime-haired fish chick was nodding emphatically to, Keiichiro massaged his eyes in exasperation and felt it necessary to scold the two mews about jumping to conclusions.

Ok, so he wore his hair long and it was healthy

So he dresses nicely

So he kept his nails looking good

So he liked things clean

So he could cook

So he co-owned and co-manages a frilly pink pastry café with really cute half-animal mahou shoujou whom he had a hand in creating.

None of that made him gay!

After explaining this to the two girls they had apologized insincerely and had walked away giggling behind their hands.

Keiichiro sighed again and wondered how he would ever live down the image everyone had of him being gay.

He wondered what it was about women that made them think that their gaydar was second to none and could never be wrong.

He sighed yet again as he lamented the loss of his former player status and just chalked it up to being…

One of the Great Mysteries of the Universe

* * *

Like Ryou and Keiichiro, Aoyama Masaya wondered, even pondered several things about the female species.

Ichigo for example.

When he was Deep Blue he nearly killed himself to save her and would gladly do so as many times as necessary in order to keep her safe.

Yet on occasion, usually about once a month, she still accused him of not caring whether she lived or died.

When the aforementioned incident had been brought to her attention she broke into tears and began apologizing profusely.

While this did lead to rather amazing things between the sheets, it was damned annoying for Masaya to constantly reassure his girlfriend about how he felt about her.

It wasn't just Ichigo either, Mint and Zakuro, who normally couldn't stand Ichigo's flaky, bubbly, hyperactive personality threatened him subtly on a daily basis with a cruel and unusual death and/or torture if her were to ever hurt their leader and friend.

Then there were the girls at school…

While he had to admit that he did enjoy their attention every waking moment of the day, he also had to admit that he was scared shitless of Ichigo's jealous side.

Whenever she happened to come to one of matches, and she never missed one, there would be hell to pay for any girl she caught swooning over her man.

Masaya thought the term catfight was ironically appropriate in such an instance.

Yes, Aoyama Masaya wondered and even pondered about the female species.

About Ichigo's mood swings and about her territorial (psycho) side .He pondered the attention her got from his fangirls (and the more than occasional fanboy). And he wondered about the threats on his life that were the consequence of his hurting Ichigo.

He _especially_ wondered about why Ichigo was quite so exceptional in certain areas when she claimed to have never had a boyfriend before him.

He made a note to himself to have a little chat with that Keiichiro guys she worked with.

In the end though, Masaya was forced to accept things the way they were and chalk them up to being…

Some of the Great Mysteriesof the Universe.

* * *

Not quite so long ago in a galaxy not quite so far away, a certain Elvin-eared alien questioned the mysteries.

After being dumped by his favorite pussy…cat (A/N: cough choke on laughter cough Gomen), he and his compatriots had fled back to their own galaxy.

On the way back, Kish had a lot of time to question just what Ichigo had found in Deep Blue that she hadn't found in Kish himself.

Okay so his skin didn't have a natural sickly pallor,

So he was technically human,

So he was technically from the same planet

So he was hundreds of times more powerful than Kish.

None of that made him a better man for Ichigo!

His shortcake goddess had chosen the one person in existence who wanted to kill her the most over Kish who had laid down his life, betrayed his people and had sacrificed his ideals all for her.

He briefly wondered if Ichigo had all of her marbles or if the kitty-a-fying machine had caused her to lose some.

When he had consulted his wisest friend, Tart, the matter he'd gotten gum in his hair for disturbing the other alien's beauty sleep.

Turning to Pai for answers as a last resort after his shoe had been no help, he'd gotten a glare and the information that there was a 72.13928 chance that he and Ichigo wouldn't have been anatomically compatible anyway and that was a 28.294809 chance that she would bite his head off if they did manage to mate anyway.

Faced those frightening possibilities Kish resolved never to ask Pai's advice ever again.

When it came to his fruity tootie gum drop Kish sighed besottedly.

She was just an enigma wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in a question wrapped in a crunchy candy shell that he had to lick to get to the gooey center (A/n:badbadbadbadbadbadbad). He questioned briefly whether his snuggle kitty muffin carpeting matched her oddly colored drapery but he put the thought quickly out of his head and chalked in up to being…

One of the Great Mysteries of the Universe.

* * *

While watching his co-conspirator sigh every ten seconds over than insipid mew mew, Pai wondered what Kish could possible see in a creature like that.

Not only was she clumsy, annoying incessantly cheerful even when getting killed and just an all around pain in the ass who the was the ENEMY!

Pai felt compelled on a daily basis during their stay on earth to beat the ever loving snot out of his co-invader but it didn't seem to have any effect whatsoever.

With every failed mission, Kish would return to the ship sighing and commenting and the loveliness of his fuchsia-flavored love kittycat (honestly!)

And all that rubbish about mew mew style and mew mew grace made Pai want to pump a few rounds from an M-16 straight into her mew mew fucking face!

How any self-respecting warrior could become infatuated with a woman was beyond his understanding.

On their home planet the genitalia of the female could eat a male alive in 3.32 seconds and have room enough for desert afterwards.

He slapped Kish again and decided to ignore him for the rest of the way home.

He attempted to calculate why Ichigo had such a pull one more time and failed, eventually chalking it up to being…

One the Great Mysteries of the Universe.

* * *

While the men around him contemplated saying the wrong things or gaydars or mood swings or choices in sexual partners or infatuations, Tart, with his innocent and humble self ,(A/N:Cough Man that bronchitis is a bitch cough, chough, cough) concentrated solely on opening the wrapper to the candy Pudding had given him.

So far it had taken him eight hours and twenty-seven minutes but her still had been unable to get it open. He focused briefly on the strange, overly primate girl who had given it to him and wondered why, even though he'd been trying to destroy her planet and kill her for the past few months, she'd been so sickeningly sweet to him.

He shrugged and went to ask Pai to open the candy for him, chalking Puddings odd behavior up the being…

One of the Great Mysteries of the Universe.

* * *

Authors notes: Just a little randomness from the mind of Reirei. Nest issue, Inu Yasha! 


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